"Read, Smoke, Read, Smoke, Read, Smoke...." by Kelly Alexandra Hoff, 2020

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"I want to go out.

I want to meet friends.

I want to be alone, 

            in the silence, 

                        in my house.

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I want people to care.

I want people to listen.

I've been alone for so long.

I'm tired of absorbing, 

            other's hatred.

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There's something out there,

           for me to do.

           For me to accomplish.

I want to follow through.

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The stop and start.

It's been hard on my bones.

It's been hard on my heart.

So, I've been staying at home.

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I want to have children.

I long to sing more.

I long to feel safe,

            with a man in my arms.

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I don't know who I'll be with in two years time.

Will I be married?

Will I still be alone?

Will I be safe with a man, 

            At home

                     and on the road?

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I long for a man.

I long for love.

I long for the quiet, 

            That I knew before.

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I'm full of fear.

When will I move on,

            from this turmoil.

In my mind.

            in my bones?

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I feel the oppression.

I feel the subservience.

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I read and read,

           hoping for relief.

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Read.

Read.

Read.

Read.

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Smoke.

Smoke.

Smoke.

Smoke.

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Read.

Read.

Read.

Read.

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Smoke.

Smoke.

Smoke.

Smoke.

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Smoke.

Smoke.

Smoke.

Smoke.

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Smoke...."

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~ Read, Smoke, Read, Smoke, Read, Smoke...." by Kelly Alexandra Hoff, June 2020

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published online:  6 March 2022

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